Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
