just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
