It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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