He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
