we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
