I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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