Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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