i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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