Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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