WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
