I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize