Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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