What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
