I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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