You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
