Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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