He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize