I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
