Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
