So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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