She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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