well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
