Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
