smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
