I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
