I am puke
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am one with the molecules
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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