so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
