I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize