Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize