Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
