giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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