New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
