whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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