i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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