So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
