I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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