aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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