am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
