I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
