You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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