just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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