you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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