Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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