Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
