the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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