she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
