You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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