instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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