Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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