Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
