people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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