I'm going to jail i love you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
