Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
