I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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