So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
