i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
