she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize