Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
