I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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