Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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