Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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