with your own penis?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
