he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
