Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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