Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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