Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
