he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
