At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could teleport
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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