I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
