I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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