I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
home. puking in laundry basket.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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