I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize