Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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