Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
