just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
