Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
