i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
