her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize