she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
